relationships

Relationships have always been a big part of my life. It has defined me. Looking back at myself, I find the relationships I’ve been in remind me of the values, maturity, and position I was in at particular points in time of life.

For example, just a few years ago I thought I had my life mapped out. I wanted to eventually have a traditional wedding, settle, and have a children of my own. Now I want the exact opposite. I was sheltered in part by a closed minded attitude and a small Wisconsin town. Catapulting myself into a college that was a bit of a drive away slowly pushed me to change… seeing my opportunities and the world around me with fresh, wide-open eyes.

I started dating when I was 14 and have only been single for a few totaling months since then. When I was 20 and fresh out of a nearly four year relationship, I didn’t know what to do with myself. Being with someone was a huge part of my identity.

I’ve always been better at having close friends rather than a lot of friends, and these qualities of focusing so much appreciation towards one person rather than a lot of people has shone through in my relationships. It’s almost like a nonchalant obsession. I don’t do it purposefully and I’m not clingy. But when I’m with someone, my partner is my best friend, period. I’m the type of person that needs time away from others to recharge. But when I really jive with someone I can easily spend every second of the day with them.

I’m an emotional person. I can cry without having a concrete or rational reason as to why. Sometimes my feelings can be easily hurt. Emotions can be a real pain in the ass for me at times. Yet, sometimes I can surprise myself with stoicism. I know that I chose this time away and I think that helps me cope lot. Even though the circumstances are different than when I signed up to leave, I invested in myself. If I was in such a devoted, fun relationship by the time I decided among my student teaching options as I am now, I probably wouldn’t have done this. So with that, I’m glad that my relationship with Tim came later on.

He is my boyfriend, partner, fiance, significant other… whatever the hell you want to call him. I find the use of gender neutral labels incredibly refreshing but I also fumble on the options of labels to use.

Finishing school in a few months makes 2020 a big year for me. Nearly two years ago, I decided that my plans for after college were to teach internationally or join the Peace Corps. I didn’t want to be in committed relationship… I just wanted to have fun! It’s was one of the main reasons I ended my old long-standing relationship. I used to think the dream I had would stop me from being with someone. And that’s still true, but now I know that it depends on the person. Now, this dream has turned out to be an integral part of my relationship, in concerns to our future.

I thought Valentine’s day away would be hard. But honestly I forgot about the holiday until Tim told me (he was so thoughtful he even remembered a day early, since I’m living a day ahead of him). After working at school, where elementary classes don’t celebrate the holiday at all (completely opposite to the States), I went to the beach right away to bask in the fierce sun rays. When I came home I had the most beautiful bouquet of flowers that I’ve ever seen in my life at my doorstep with the most heartfelt note on it, a note that I plan to keep forever. I gawked at my flowers while baking a frozen pizza. Drinking wine and eating pizza, my housemate and I binged To All the Boys I Loved Before and To All the Boys: P.S. I Still Love You. By the time we watched two movies another day was done, passing by so quickly.